©Kathleen Tennant Some times I wonder. Lately I have been wondering about the phrase 'we hurt the ones we love the most'. I don't understand it and wonder why it is we do tend to hurt the ones we apparently love. How is that love? I don't like knowing that people I care about are hurting. Not at all, and I try not to hurt anyone and once I find out I have, I apologize. We are human; therefore, flawed. We will make mistakes.
Families seem to hurt each other horribly. My own is no exception. A friend of mine is going through a horrid situation and from where I sit she has suffered incredibly over something so trivial. To me it's trivial but to those involved they are clearly passionate about the wrongs that have been done to them. Mothers seem to bear the price of the very lives they breed. It is always the mother's fault. If your life is shit, blame your mother. If you have fat ankles, blame your mother. If you are miserable, blame your mother. If you are going bald, blame your mother. Here is what I have learned about blaming my mother ~ nothing.
Instead I learned not to blame my mother. I learned to see my mother as not just my mother but as a human being. I learned that she too hurts and she too has hopes and dreams. She laughs at things I don't find funny and sometimes we laugh hysterically over things we both find funny. She is her own person and she is my mother. I was 16 when my parents split up. My 16 year old self saw things through different eyes and now as my daughter approaches the age I was when my parents split up I see things again through different eyes. I see myself as my mother and wonder how she was feeling when I was 14 and 15? I see how she may have been and I have a better understanding of how life may have been for her. I wonder how she must have felt at that time and I wonder how I would have behaved had I known then what I know now.
We see our parents so differently when we are young. Then, when my mom left our home I was so hurt and the hurt lasted a long time. Now I see my mom as very courageous. I couldn't imagine leaving a 20 year marriage and two kids and starting my life fresh. It must have been scary for her and lonely. It also must have been filled with hurt from us kids who didn't understand what was happening and the words and behaviour showed to her by my brother and myself must have stung. My mother left her marriage but not her role as a mother. I think that point is often missed and kids no matter the age feel the departure when a mother leaves the house we once called home. Life is no longer the same. We don't come home to mom being there and we see changes in mom that we don't understand. Perhaps we never knew what she looked like happy so happy looks different. Perhaps we never really understood the relationship between our parents and the struggles they faced as they were masked. We place assumptions in place of conversations that need to be had.
Families seem to hurt each other horribly. My own is no exception. A friend of mine is going through a horrid situation and from where I sit she has suffered incredibly over something so trivial. To me it's trivial but to those involved they are clearly passionate about the wrongs that have been done to them. Mothers seem to bear the price of the very lives they breed. It is always the mother's fault. If your life is shit, blame your mother. If you have fat ankles, blame your mother. If you are miserable, blame your mother. If you are going bald, blame your mother. Here is what I have learned about blaming my mother ~ nothing.
Instead I learned not to blame my mother. I learned to see my mother as not just my mother but as a human being. I learned that she too hurts and she too has hopes and dreams. She laughs at things I don't find funny and sometimes we laugh hysterically over things we both find funny. She is her own person and she is my mother. I was 16 when my parents split up. My 16 year old self saw things through different eyes and now as my daughter approaches the age I was when my parents split up I see things again through different eyes. I see myself as my mother and wonder how she was feeling when I was 14 and 15? I see how she may have been and I have a better understanding of how life may have been for her. I wonder how she must have felt at that time and I wonder how I would have behaved had I known then what I know now.
We see our parents so differently when we are young. Then, when my mom left our home I was so hurt and the hurt lasted a long time. Now I see my mom as very courageous. I couldn't imagine leaving a 20 year marriage and two kids and starting my life fresh. It must have been scary for her and lonely. It also must have been filled with hurt from us kids who didn't understand what was happening and the words and behaviour showed to her by my brother and myself must have stung. My mother left her marriage but not her role as a mother. I think that point is often missed and kids no matter the age feel the departure when a mother leaves the house we once called home. Life is no longer the same. We don't come home to mom being there and we see changes in mom that we don't understand. Perhaps we never knew what she looked like happy so happy looks different. Perhaps we never really understood the relationship between our parents and the struggles they faced as they were masked. We place assumptions in place of conversations that need to be had.
©Kathleen Tennant That all said, life is so short and can be gone in the blink of an eye. Recently, my heartbroken friend asked me what she has done to deserve such kindness from me and my response was 'nothing'. It is simple to me, a friend is hurting and I want to help ease the hurt. One doesn't need a reason to be kind. It should just happen organically. If we have to think about being kind or being polite we are losing the very essence of life.
Sometimes it's the silence that breeds the most hurt. The mind plays tricks in the silence and we lose a piece of ourselves. Shit happens in life, good and bad. We can't all be on the same cheering squad when everything is good and when things go all ugly those who were once cheering with you make like you don't exist. That to me, it's beyond cruel. I wonder how people can be so cruel to those they were once cheering with? To be with you one moment traveling and celebrating life and in the next not even wishing you a Merry Christmas or Happy New Year. Again, that statement we hurt the ones we love the most. It truly makes me wonder...
If you know someone is hurting, reach out. If you are doing the hurting - stop and ask yourself if the negativity in your life is worth it? Is there a reward for hurting someone? There is far more of a reward for being a decent human being. Purposefully hurting someone is beyond my comprehension. Choose to be compassionate and recognize that you don't know everything when there is nothing being said.
When there is silence, there is wonder....
Sometimes it's the silence that breeds the most hurt. The mind plays tricks in the silence and we lose a piece of ourselves. Shit happens in life, good and bad. We can't all be on the same cheering squad when everything is good and when things go all ugly those who were once cheering with you make like you don't exist. That to me, it's beyond cruel. I wonder how people can be so cruel to those they were once cheering with? To be with you one moment traveling and celebrating life and in the next not even wishing you a Merry Christmas or Happy New Year. Again, that statement we hurt the ones we love the most. It truly makes me wonder...
If you know someone is hurting, reach out. If you are doing the hurting - stop and ask yourself if the negativity in your life is worth it? Is there a reward for hurting someone? There is far more of a reward for being a decent human being. Purposefully hurting someone is beyond my comprehension. Choose to be compassionate and recognize that you don't know everything when there is nothing being said.
When there is silence, there is wonder....
| "WONDER" is a new original now available in my Etsy shop. It's 6"x6" and created on a wooden panel using acrylic paint, alcohol inks and regular ink. This piece will sit happily on it's own or can be hung from your wall. Sometimes you just need to sit and wonder... it's different than daydreaming. WONDER can be yours by clicking HERE. |
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